Three Men On Tour: 45

When do you grow up? I don’t mean stop looking for adventure, or start to wear corduroy trousers and a cardigan. I don’t mean give up on your dreams, or settle for second best. I don’t mean boredom, or resignation, or getting up before noon on Saturdays, or finding contentment in a well put together salad.

I mean ‘when do you grow up?’. All this, all of these things, are just the measures by which we pretend to ourselves that we are adults. But, it turns out, you don’t choose when you are grown up. You don’t even get to judge when you have become one. The luckiest of us have it happen when we are looking the other way.

You become a grown up when others need you to be. When you have to take responsibility because someone, some special other, needs you to be there for them, to put them before your own needs, and do so without even realising it was a choice. You become a grown up when someone not only loves, but needs you, needs you more than you need yourself.