Three Men On Tour: 44

Everyone turned to look at me. Inside I was reeling. Everything I had wanted. Everything I had asked for. We could go back to quiet evenings in front of the telly, and Sunday mornings in bed reading the paper together and everything I loved about being with Alicia, all wrapped up in a heart shaped box.

Except, we couldn’t really, could we? That us didn’t exist any more. You can’t stop things changing just by wishing really hard. And I didn’t want to. I stepped up to Alicia and took her by the hand. Then I dropped to one knee.

“I’m an idiot. I’ve got everything. Or at least I had everything. But everything isn’t enough. You’ve got to realise you’ve got it and not take it for granted because, as soon as you do, there’s a chance it’s going to go away.

Do you know why nothing happened between me and Elspeth? The boys will tell you it’s because I’m a coward. Too chicken to make it with a girl, even when it’s offered to me on a plate. But they’re wrong. Before I met you I’d have snapped up someone like Elspeth in a heartbeat. In fact I did once. A snap decision that I’m still living with but that I’ve never yet had reason to regret. You see, the reason I never did anything with Elspeth is not because I’m a coward, or because I’d have felt guilty for cheating on you, or even because I didn’t want to. It’s because I knew, even if I didn’t know it at the time, that there was someone I wanted more and that someone was you, and I don’t care if we’re married, or boyfriend and girlfriend, or just two people that spend a lot of time together, maybe in the same house. I just care that whatever we do it’s together and for the rest of our lives. I’m an idiot. I only realised this about half an hour ago when I thought I’d lost you.

But if you think I’m letting you get away with backing out of a proposal, just because I’m an idiot, you’ve got another think coming. Alicia Jessica Newman, will you marry me?“

All noise stopped. Even the beating of my heart thundered silently against my rib cage.

“You don’t have to…“ Alicia whispered, her eyes wide, looking down at me.

“I know,“ I said and smiled.