Three Men On Tour: 39

Alicia looked amazing. Her red hair was loosely tied into a pony tail and she was still wearing her driving glasses. I was amazed at how pleased I was to see her. I took in her slender frame, her tired stance, her eyes glinting with annoyance. Then I realised I was standing there like a dumbstruck idiot so I stepped forward to kiss her. She deftly turned her head so I kissed her on the cheek rather than the lips before slipping under my arm and into the room. I turned to find her taking in the half made bed, the open whisky bottle on the bedside table and the dirty clothes littering the floor.

“I was just about to tidy up,” I said reflexively.

Sighing, Alicia cleared a space on the bed, a miniature spot of beauty in the dankness of the room.

“It’s good to see you,” I said, wondering if I should add the unspoken addendum ‘but what on earth are you doing here’.

“We didn’t really talk, did we?” said Alicia. “Before you left I mean. We didn’t really talk.”

“We had a few words,” I pointed out, wincing at the memory of the volume.

“Yes, but we didn’t talk. About the wedding. About whether you want to…”

She trailed off, waiting for me to continue.

“Well, of course I want to…”

“Don’t just say it,” Alicia snapped. “You can’t just say it. You have to mean it.”

I could feel my heart racing. I tried to slow my breath, my thoughts, think about what was going on.

“I’ve been calling you. Why can’t you ever answer your phone?” Alicia looked visibly near tears.

“It doesn’t always ring,” I mumbled. Alicia looked sceptical.

“I thought you were dead. Or worse. I ask you to marry me, then you run away and don’t answer my calls. What’s a girl supposed to think?”

“Alicia, it’s not that I…”

“Is there someone else…?”

Our words collided, thickening the air with their impact. We stared at each other across the space between us.

“I…I made a mistake. When I asked you to marry me. I should never have done it.“

It came out in a rush, the words tumbling over themselves in an effort to get out. If I had spoken the words myself it would have been the culmination of a weekend on worrying. But I didn’t. Alicia had spoken the words that I had thought myself preparing to say. I stood, staring at a suddenly unfamiliar face while my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

Suddenly there came an ungodly hammering from behind me.

“Ian!“ Bang, bang, bang. “Ian!“ Bang, bang, bang. “Come on. I know you’re in there.“

I wavered, trapped between my girlfriend and whatever the clamour was about. Alicia shrugged, so I turned back to the door.

When I opened it, Harry stood panting on the other side. He looked a wreck: hair dishevelled, tie askew and eyes blazing. He looked past me to the empty room but Alicia was hidden behind the open door.

“You’re an idiot,“ he proposed. I didn’t have a good counter argument so I let him continue.

“You’re an idiot and you’re throwing away the love of a good woman.“ It began to dawn on me that Harry was drunk. I suggested this to him and he dismissed the idea with a haughty sniff and a wave of his hand that very nearly unbalanced him.

“Merely a snifter to fight the evening chill. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re an idiot.“

“I’d guessed that was what you’d come to talk to me about. Is it possible we could discuss it at another time?“

“No,“ said Harry emphatically. “There is no other time. We need to sort this out now. See, you’ve got a beautiful girlfriend, kind of girl any chap would be happy to have, and she goes and proposes to you…“

“Well that might not be…“

“Shut up,“ said Harry. “Thing is, your reaction is to spend all weekend moping and wondering how you can get out of it.“

I glanced nervously over at Alicia. She was sitting up, suddenly interested.

“Harry,“ I said warningly.

“No, you can’t shush me. It needs to be said. Thing is, you’re messing it up. I mean, I know you look up to me. Idolise me even. I can see how you’d want to do the things I do. But the truth is I’m not the care free sex god you think I am. In fact, sometimes I envy you. A little bit. A little tiny bit. But we can’t all find love you know. Some of us are getting to the age when we’d be happy with just a bit of ‘like’ for the evening. But you, you who have it all, seem ready to throw it all away for just a moment’s pleasure.“

Ice hit my spine. I looked over at Alicia again. Her interest had intensified to a laser like stare and I began to realise that stopping Harry from talking was utterly essential to my continued survival.

“I mean I know you want to copy me but…she’s here isn’t she. Oh my god, I’m trying to save you and you’ve got her in your room all along.“

“Harry, I haven’t…“

Harry’s eyes blazed again. “I can’t believe you.“

“Harry, it’s not…“

“Not content with snogging her in front of the entire bar, you had to drag her up to your room as well.“

“Harry…“

“Well, it’s lucky I’m here to put a stop to things before Alicia finds out.“

“Harry, shut up!“

I barely finished before I heard a sharp intake of breath from my left followed by a kind of muted sob. I tried to turn towards it, but Harry must have misunderstood because before I knew what was happening he had me pinned against the doorframe and I was grappling with my best friend.

“Harry,“ I shouted, “Harry,“ before we were both shoved backwards by a force of sobs and red hair. I just caught Harry’s look of surprise and confusion before I tumbled to the floor and a second woman was fleeing from my room in floods of tears. From my position on the carpet I could see nothing but table legs, Harry’s shoes and a pair of retreating heels.

“Shit,“ said Harry after a while. “Was that Alicia?“

“Surprise,“ I said.

“But…what’s she doing here?“

“Getting told a load of shit by my supposed best friend,“ I muttered through a mouthful of carpet. The fight was clearly over. I looked up from my recumbent position and Harry was collapsed against a wall, looking as though he had just heard that fairies don’t exist.

“Bugger. Do you think she heard any of that?“

I struggled to my feet and looked Harry firmly in the eye.

“I think we can definitely say that she has ‘found out’. Except there was nothing to find out. Nothing happened.“

“But earlier, in the bar…“

“We talked. That’s all. I don’t know what happened in your imagination but we just talked. About Alicia if you must know.“

“Did she not fancy you?“

“Yes,“ I sighed. “She fancied me. But it’s not like I was going to do anything about it.“

Harry looked confused.

“Why not? She was really pretty.“

“Because…because…because…“

And then it hit me.

“We really need to find Alicia.“