A Marathon Task

Some of you may be aware that Sue is trying to get me fit. This is a trickier job than even she intended. What some of you may not be aware of is that, prior to lockdown, she convinced me to enter a half marathon next September.
I don’t think any of us anticipated how many barriers would be thrown in the way of that little accomplishment. At present, it has not yet been cancelled. We don’t know if it will happen, but I have to assume that it will, in the same way that if a ten ton truck was bearing down towards me but I knew the driver was pressing down hard on the brakes, I’d probably want to consider stepping out of the way.
As a result, Sue is slowly helping me build up my running stamina. I like the idea of building up my stamina. I just wish it didn’t have to involve going for a run.
My main problems with running are as follows: it hurts and I think I’m going to die. Many people have assured me that, once you get into it, the great thing about running is the high you get when you’ve finished. I keep on suggesting that, if that’s the bit that’s so great, I’ll just do the finishing and forget about the actual running.
I’ve yet to encounter the high, by the way. I think my physiology is different. Firstly, I have asthma. This means that, whatever natural high might be coming my way, its rather drowned out by my inability to breathe. This continues for some time after I’ve stopped, by the way, so I don’t even get the release of finishing. It rather like when you realise you’ve drunk just that little too much for it to be fun. Not only do you not feel good, not only does stopping not help, but you realise it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
So there’s that. But, with practice, I’ve come to recognise the feeling just before onset. This allows me to run at a speed which doesn’t quite remove my access to oxygen.
So then we move to my legs. One benefit of controlling the asthma is that we are able to run a longer distance. I’d been successfully running 5km park runs, so Sue decided it would be wise to move on to a 10km run. This was not unreasonable. The half marathon itself will be 21km so it would be a good idea to try some of the distances in between first. That way, if I don’t like the 10km, I can just treat it as a series of 5kms and leave the 10km out.
I knew the 10km had been problematic when I stopped being able to walk. It turns out I have a problem with my iliotibial band. This is a collection of tissue that runs down, and in my case rubs over, the femur.
Once again, Sue to the rescue. It turns out that the main reason for this is that my other muscles aren’t pulling their weight (quite literally), so to prevent the ITB pain, I merely needed to strengthen my thighs and glutes. Apparently, the best way to sort this out is to stand on one leg and pretend to be a tree. Much as I’ve enjoyed our yoga sessions, even I can tell that they’ve been helpful in that now, when I take on one of these poses, I no longer feel like I’m being attacked by a lumberjack.
So now I can run without choking and stand on one leg without immediately toppling over. Naturally, I have now discovered a problem with my left hip. Every time I run, for the next few days it feels like my left leg is being pulled out of its socket. The pain is clearly in my leg and left side. Sue has demonstrated my intimate knowledge of my own body by telling me this is because I’ve strained my back.
So there we have it. Fit as a fiddle. We still have hopes that the half marathon will happen. We’re certainly going to keep training towards it. But even if it doesn’t, at least I’ll know one thing. As I limp along, lungs tightening up, right leg fighting to stop the ITB pain, left hip blooming into fresh flowers of agony while my back continues to proclaim its innocence, I’ll know it’s all been worth it. That’s the thing about exercise. It makes you feel so much better. Doesn’t it?