Alpha Papa

I recently watched Gordon, Fred and Gino’s American Roadtrip. It made me think about what it is to be an alpha male. Gordon Ramsay clearly thinks he’s an alpha male. He certainly spends enough time trying to prove it. Thing is, I’m not sure he truly understands what an alpha male is. I don’t think any of us do, given the way we tend to use the term.
In a wolf pack, the alpha male is the leader of the pack. As a result, this means they do very little vying for position. They don’t need to. Instead, they spend their time worrying about the other pack members, looking out for them, keeping them safe.
By constantly, attempting to assert his dominance over those around him, by engaging in little contests of manhood, or putting others down, Gordon actually shows himself to be a beta male: still uncertain in his position, constantly worried that someone else will take his place.
It made me think of the difference between how a true alpha male behaves, versus how society thinks an alpha male should be.
A true alpha male always thinks of others. If he is truly top dog, then everyone else is his responsibility, and he will do everything he can to keep them safe.
A fake alpha male will throw anyone under the bus as long as they can secure their own position.
A true alpha male doesn’t feel the need to compete. He will compete for sport, and will rise to a challenge, but has no need to prove his dominance since it is already obvious.
A fake alpha male will compete all the time, even when no one else wishes to. They constantly feel the need to show the world how much better they are than everyone else because secretly they feel they’re worse.
A fake alpha male will always seek to take control, and will be threatened if anyone else shows dominance. A true alpha male simply is in control. People follow the alpha male because they trust him to find a solution, not because they are scared into submission.
A true alpha male tries to find the right solution for everyone.
In nature, wolf packs are actually family units. The alpha male is often the patriarch of the family. He acts as top dog, not because he seeks to control the pack, but because they are his wife, siblings and children. He acts as any father would: to protect his family and to see his children grow.
We’ve become so used to the idea of an alpha male being the vile idea of over-competitive masculinity that we’ve tarred the whole of masculinity with the same brush. The thing is true masculinity is about leadership, not dominance, care, not combativeness, strength of character not simply strength.
The idea of the alpha male has become so pervasive that whole generations have set their aspirations at being a cut-throat businessman, a win at all costs sportsman, a pirate, a rogue, a vagabond.
This false idea of masculinity would set a match to the world, just to slow down the competition, knowing they could run far enough and fast enough to escape from the deadly heat.
This is not what we should aspire to.
A true alpha male runs towards the flames.