Three Men On Tour: 33

We walked into the hotel foyer without making eye contact. Damp footprints marked where we trod across the lush carpet leading to the check-in desk. The girl on reception glanced up briefly, bored expression on her face, then slowly her jaw dropped to form a gaping ‘O’ of surprise. We were drenched from head to toe. Even now, after the long journey back to the hotel, water dripped off of us, forming pools if we stood in one place too long. To add to the effect, George had managed to get himself tangled in pond weed, which now stuck out in long strands from pockets and crevices, while I had managed to emerge through a heron’s nest, so that I now closely resembled the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, with sticks instead of hair and straw instead of a heart.

“Shall we meet back here in…“ began George.

“Don’t,“ snapped Harry. “Just don’t. I’m going to my room.“

He stalked over the elevator and began stabbing angrily at the button. We didn’t dare join him.

“Fine,“ said George eventually. “I’ll take the stairs then.“

With one final glance at Harry he headed over to stairwell we had used the previous night. I had never seen him look so disappointed and resentful. Suddenly, I was alone in the lobby and didn’t know what the plans were for dinner. I waited until the lift had arrived and Harry had been whisked away. I was in no mood to share a confined space with him. Even the stench of river water wouldn’t compete with the atmosphere we had shared on the journey back. Aware of all the stares I was attracting, I squelched over to the elevator and hit the call button. It seemed to take a painfully long time to arrive. When it finally did, I stepped in and stood dripping in the corner, hoping nobody else was going to join me. That was when I heard a familiar Irish lilt.

“Hold the lift please. Room for a little one?“

I considered hitting the close door button. I even stepped forward a little. Then Elspeth was in the lift and I squeezed back in the corner trying to make myself as small as possible. Elspeth’s gaze swept round the lift trying to spot who had stepped in ahead of her. Then she saw me and her eyes lit up.

“Hey. It’s yourself. I lost track of you last night. I…what on earth happened to your clothes?“

I looked down at where pond weed and mud trailed off of me.

“I had a bit of an accident,“ I mumbled, feeling like an idiot.

“An accident? It looks like you dove headlong into a river without taking your clothes off first.“

“Well…“ I began.

“Right. We need to get you out of these things. Which floor are you on?“

“I’m in room 106,“ I said sheepishly.

“Right,“ said Elspeth. “Floor one then.“ She stabbed at the lift button. “Honestly, I leave you alone for five seconds. How on earth did you end up like that anyway?“

“You see, Harry wanted to go the Fayre,“ I explained.

“Harry. Would he be the one dancing like a loon last night?“

I nodded.

“I’m starting to get the picture here. Go on.“

“Well, we could see the Fayre but we couldn’t get to it.“ The lift dinged and we stepped out into the dimly lit corridor. My door was only a few yards away.

“Couldn’t get to it? How so?“

“Well,“ I explained as I fumbled for my key, “it was across this cornfield.“

“Very frustrating. But how…?“

“Well the road kept going round. But we could see it.“

I opened the door and Elspeth slipped in under my arm. She went straight to the bathroom where I assumed she was gathering towels.

“So what did Harry do then?“ Elspeth voice echoed from the tiles. “Surely he didn’t…“

“He took a shortcut.“

In an instant, Elspeth was out of the bathroom, arms full of white fluffy hotel towels, eyes smiling with amusement.

“Not across the fields?“ I nodded as I slumped into a chair at the memory. My trousers felt cold and clammy. I began to take off my shirt.

“Only, it turns out there was this river,“ I said. I paused at the stupidity of it all. Then Elspeth began to laugh. It started out as a lyrical tinkle. Then it became a roaring guffaw such that I couldn’t believe so loud a sound could come out of such a tiny frame. I was indignant. This was my misfortune she was taking amusement in. I opened my mouth to say something and then I caught sight of her expression. She was looking at me, not in pity, but in awe and wonder that I could manage such a ridiculous adventure so shortly into the day. I couldn’t help myself. I began to chuckle. Then I was laughing too and it felt good to let go of all the anger and frustration I had been feeling over the last few days.

“You mean to say,“ said Elspeth as she sunk down to the bed between sobs of laughter, “that your pal Harry, king of the dance floor and all round Mr Smooth, drove you into a river today?“

I nodded, smiling at the memory. Smiling at the expression on George’s face just before the car plunged off the bank.

“Is he as soggy as you?“

“Soggier.“ I chucked. Water dripped along my nose and into my open mouth but I carried on laughing anyway.

“Here,“ said Elspeth softly. She stood up from the bed and came over, white towel extended. It felt good as she attacked me with it, trying to take off the worst of the moisture from my hair, my face, my chest. I looked into her eyes to find she was looking back at me. The towelling slowed. The laughter was gone to be replaced with something else. Something good. She was so close I could smell the lemon scent of her skin.

“Get out,“ I murmured. She leant closer, then stopped as the words I’d said overpowered the sense in which I had said them.

“What…what did you say?“ Her body was inches away from mine but now she pulled back, the look in her eye replaced with…what? Fright? Bewilderment?

“Get out. I can’t…I can’t do this. It’s…I…I just…“ For a moment, I came close to just kissing her anyway. Then she was pulling away and running for the door with tears in her eyes and by the time I heard the door slam it was too late and I was left shivering and shirtless wondering whether it was possible to make any more of a mess of my life than I already had.