Three Men On Tour: 24

I headed down to dinner showered, shaved and in a fresh change of clothes. It’s funny how the dust of travel seems to cling to you, even though in reality you’ve done no more than sit down all day while the world moved around you. I was the first to arrive, so I browsed the menu, smiling every so often at the hovering waiter to reassure him that I did have friends and they really would be down in just a minute.

When Harry and George arrived they were arguing. Watching George argue is an experience in itself, as he has an innate desire not to offend, coupled with a stubborn refusal to let anyone remain, as he puts it, wrong. The argument continued as the pair sat themselves down on either side of me, placing me squarely in the middle of the debate.

“It’s not that I didn’t appreciate your efforts,“ George was saying, “it’s just that I already have a bathrobe.“

“And now you have two. Anyway, I didn’t see you jumping in to sort out the rooms.“

“You’re right, you’re absolutely right,“ agreed George. “It’s just that, given that Ian’s company had already booked and paid for the rooms, I somehow felt that the time for negotiation might have been over. I thought it might have been time for getting a shower instead.“

“You’re not still arguing about reception are you?“ I interrupted. George looked guilty and then nodded. Harry merely looked cross.

“Tell you what,“ I said. “Why don’t you bury the hatchet, have a nice meal and think about what you want to do tonight. I may have a plan.“

“Does it involve drinking and chasing women?“ asked George nervously, possibly because a lot of our plans do.

“What’s the matter,“ sneered Harry. “Frightened of the competition?“

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to get in your way,“ said George apologetically. “You know me. I wouldn’t know what to say to a pretty lady.“

“You certainly seemed to know you way around a conversation earlier,“ pointed out Harry grumpily. The penny dropped.

“So that’s what this is all about,“ I exclaimed. “You’re still upset about the girl at the market.“

“Am not,“ grumped Harry, folding his arms resolutely.

“Face it Harry, we were outplayed,“ I insisted. “George here jumped in ahead of us and I bet he barely noticed she was a woman, never mind how pretty she was.“

“I might have noticed a little bit,“ commented George quietly, bringing me up short.

“But,“ I protested, “you never seem to be interested in women. I thought you were happy with real ale, and woodworking and pottering around your shed.“

“Just because I’m happy with quieter hobbies than you two, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like someone to share them with. Did you think, just because I’m happy on my own, I couldn’t be happier with someone else? I’d love to find someone to settle down with.“

“But you’re settled. I’ve never met anyone more settled. You’ve got nowhere left to settle down to.“

“Well then maybe I need to settle up. Get some excitement in my life. The young lady on the woodworking stall was telling me about her trip round Thailand. I’ve never been to Asia. Maybe it’s because I never had anyone to go with.“

“It doesn’t matter anyway,“ put in Harry, “because you’ve missed your chance. If it had been me, I’d have a phone number and a date by now, but all you’ve got is an interesting story about riding on an elephant. You stymied me and Ian’s chances and now you’re sat here eating dinner with us with nothing to show for it except a better method for varnishing pipe stands.“

“Oh I don’t know,“ said George shyly, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. He laid it on the table with a flourish. It was bright yellow and had the words Country Fayre emblazoned across it.

“What’s this?“ asked Harry.

“Cassie gave it to me. It’s where she’s going to be tomorrow.“

Harry paused for a moment. Then a wide grin spread across his face.

“Oh it is so on. Right, I know where I went wrong the first time. Tomorrow, I’ll have her swooning at my feet.“

“Er, excuse me,“ protested George. “I think I’m the one she gave the flyer to. If any swooning’s to be done, I think my feet should be involved.“

“Not a chance,“ said Harry. “But I’m a fair man. We’ll both have a pop. And may the best man win.“