Three Men On Tour: 18

“Right,“ said Harry, lowering a heavy tray to the table, “so that’s one Adnam’s, one Bishop’s Finger and one Addlestone’s for the lady.“

“Thankyou,“ I said, ignoring the jibe.

“So what’s up,“ Harry said as he sat down and drew his pint towards him.

“What do you mean?“

“You. You’ve had a face like a dog’s arse since we started this trip. What’s up? You’ve not had a tiff with Jamie again?“

“I don’t have tiffs with Jamie,“ I replied defensively. “I have editorial disagreements.“

“Alright, have you been editorially disagreeing with Jamie then?“

I shook my head and sipped my pint. “Not at all. If anything, he’s been extra nice.“

“Oh my god. He’s sacking you, isn’t he?“

“Jamie’s sacking Ian?“ put in George. “Oh dear, that doesn’t sound very nice at all.“

“No-one’s sacking anyone,“ I protested.

“He is, isn’t he,“ continued Harry. “I mean, I’ve expecting this for some time. I know you don’t have to be Dickens to work on a paper but…it’s because of the adverb thing isn’t it?“

“It’s not because of the adverb thing.“

“Because you do use an awful lot of…“

“Alicia proposed,“ I snapped, rather more sharply than I had expected. Birds trilled in the distance as the silence lengthened.

“Well, congratulations,“ piped in George eventually. “It’s about time you made an honest woman of her. I presume she said yes.“

“You did say yes didn’t you?“ put in Harry, who tended to listen more closely.

“Of course I said yes. I’m not sure I had a choice.“

Harry paused and took a sip of his pint.

“So when’s the big day?“

“We’re sorting it out when we get back.“

Harry studied my face carefully while I drank my cider and tried to avoid catching his eye.

“Wait a minute,“ said George. “Did she ask you?“

“Yes,“ I admitted.

“How very…modern.“ George paused. “You do want to get married don’t you? I mean, you don’t want to end up like Harry.“

Harry spluttered into his beer while I tried to hide my smirk. Eventually, Harry managed to recover himself. He looked around for an object on which to direct his anger and settled on me.

“He doesn’t want to get married. I can tell. He’s an idiot.“

“So you do think you’re a cautionary tale to us all?“

“I’m fine,“ snapped Harry. “I can get a different girl every night if I want. You, on the other hand, have been lucky to find even one girl to overlook your obvious flaws. And a pretty good one at that. You’d be lost without that girl.“

“Maybe that’s the problem,“ I muttered before I could stop myself.

“So,“ George broke in with an overly cheerful voice, “are we going to order food or what?“

“What?“ Harry and I said together, almost by instinct. For a moment, the argument hung in the air. Then I smiled resignedly and Harry grinned back and we set about studying the menu.